21.06.03 - 1:30 AM
I am too tired to think straight, I am too tired to sleep.
I run out of things to say. These entries become less and less and every time I write I backspace. Nothing is ever good enough.
When I close my eyes all I can think is " T986bykTOILTG@:O*^V YTLIK>JSAG D97p L:TUQIb6795737652T97UIHG&(r@&tpo!)% trfli^!@*%i:&!(%@&!#$!#$*(#yu kjHDUIWTEFP2O ;2IKHJG HSG6 ihkg dsf lhao " and I never feel right anymore. I am either empty or too full, numb or too afraid.
Sometimes I panic and I can feel my heart pounding against my skin with my hand, my head is light and my breaths are fast and the more I think about how fast I am breathing the faster I breathe. I panic because even though this summer has just started, I can already tell it will be too short.
Even these days I can't bring myself to wake up or fall asleep. All I want to do is lie in my ocean of blankets and drown with my mind open. Those last few days I felt as though I was deteriorating, as though all I wanted to do was close my eyes and forget that
I don't even know what I wanted to forget. Some of these sentences seem so forced because everything that is natural in my head comes out in dashes and feels like slamming against the keyboard. All that makes sense to me is IG N@!I GI GSA:OUD GO:&WY 0p61397164917 568$@&!)(7(%(&)@^%!*(#^P(*Oh lds7tu 0p847 2809741-46p79hks gisl.
I am mellow as I write this, my eyes are red and my lids heavy, my bladder is full and I think I will do lie down after. I think I might be an insomniac.
I am afraid as I write this. My heart is going a little faster, and the more I type about it the faster it is going to go. Sometimes I think I am going to die because the only thing I can ever think straight about is that it is not normal to breathe this fast, or feel my heart beat this fast.
I just want to hide forever. I feel as though every day that goes by I am dragging. Life is a road and pieces of my mental carcass mark the way.
This entry should make sense to you, as it doesn't to me. In my head I am dancing to techno rock, avoiding thoughts. My heart is pounding but it is because of all the movement.
I think it is because I am starting to panic. I trick myself into attacks.
Panic. Panic. Panic. I need to be saved. Oh, god, I need to be saved.
I'M FUCKING PANICKING BECAUSE I WAS DREAMING ABOUT DANCING. I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF
PANICKING I OBTG2IOU BY^t (p jerw(p @&(*3618O50178%(%^&%&%*&yi@ghbk %RFD VJWEK 129P76R0192 RKJ1HGI562B394 61I7U 3GKRH S9YDUKA EY19 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
